


all i need is...

by titowrites



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Songfic, bc its about the writing of a song, connors song, obvs, theres a speech involved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-29
Updated: 2015-12-29
Packaged: 2018-05-10 05:11:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5572264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/titowrites/pseuds/titowrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>for him. writing process through connor's pov</p>
            </blockquote>





	all i need is...

**Author's Note:**

> for him. is an actual song that's out there for everyone to hear and i got strangely emotional over it again. i apologize for absolutely everything this fic is.

Troye was acting weird. 

Why? Connor wasn't sure. The last few days have been odd, to say the least. Connor wasn't use to feeling out of place in his own home, hell with Troye around he'd pretty much feel at home anywhere. 

But oddly enough, Troye has made it his mission to make Connor feel as out of place as he possibly could. 

 

Ironically, it started with YouTube.

 

It was getting late, the California heat making them feel more tired than they should've been on a Tuesday night. 

They had their dinner and were wasting the night with their laptops on their bellies, feet twisted together on Connor's sofa. 

Troye eyelids were drooping with each scroll, vision going blurry as he went in and out of consciousness, suddenly bolting awake at the squeal that came from behind Connor's laptop. 

Troye sat up, "What the fuck was that?" He asked, shutting off his laptop and moving it aside. 

Connor peaked over the top of his computer, "Oh, were you asleep?" He asked with a giddy smile on his face, trying to appear apologetic. "It's this video I found, I'm sorry it's so cute." 

"What's the video?" Troye mostly asked to be polite, rubbing his eyes and trying to wake himself up enough to get himself ready for bed. 

"A proposal!" Connor practically squealed again, quickly turning away to press play on the video. 

That woke Troye up. "A proposal?" When Connor didn't answer he scooted closer, Connor noticed him leaning over and adjusted so they can watch together. 

"Yes! Should I start it over? She just got off the plane and her boyfriend has a guitarist waiting at every turn with a song he wrote for her. Can you believe that? That's at least ten songs." Connor excitedly restarted the video, they two of them grinning as the girl on screen made her way through the airport with her hand over her mouth in shock, every corner stood someone with a guitar, playing a song specifically written for. She finally reached her boyfriend where he played her a final song and then got down on one knee. 

Connor clutched his chest and awed. 

"I can't believe people actually do this kind of stuff." Troye said, grinning himself when the girl on screen said yes and the strangers that gathered around them cheered.

"I know!" Connor responded. "It's so cute, that someone loves someone else so much they'd want to express it like this." He sighed, liking the video and adding it to a private playlist. 

Troye rolled his eyes, "You're such a sap." 

Connor shrugged, eyes still somewhat shining from watching such a cute display of affection. "Can't argue with what is true." He shut his laptop, stretching and yawning. "Bed?" 

Later, Troye pulled off his clothes and glanced to where Connor was already settled under the covers, still grinning at the thought of the video. 

"That really got to you, didn't it?" He teased.

"Original songs, Troye." He exclaimed. "If it didn't get to you, you're heartless." 

Troye rolled his eyes, "yeah alright. Go to sleep." 

 

The change started that night, although Connor won't pinpoint that until much, much later. 

 

He did notice several things though, and the first was Troye's laptop. 

 

They were best friends before they were boyfriends and that came with their lives trusted in each other's hands, it was perfectly clear that they knew each other's passwords to, well anything. 

At first, it just became a hassle when one boy asked the other to type a response to text and they'd have to hand the phone over anyway to unlock it. It then became easier to just have Connor log into his Instagram to post a photo he took onto Troye's account. It became a common thing, when one of their friends asked to borrow one of their laptops they'd find the nearest of the pair to type in the password, despite who it properly belonged to. 

 

So Connor was struck confused when he grabbed Troye's computer to look up a recipe while how was charging in the other room, only to type in the password it and be told it was incorrect. 

He typed it again, assuming he wrote too fast. Nothing happened. 

Tilting his head in thought, he typed a couple of other passwords he's known Troye would use. None of them worked.

Huffing and pushing the computer aside he turned out of the kitchen only to walk into Troye himself. 

"You sound irritated." He said, placing a hand on his shoulder as he walked around him to grab a glass from the cabinet. 

"I'm making lunch." Connor said petulantly. At Troye's amused eyebrow, he continued. "Well, I was going to make lunch. But I need a recipe. And my computer is dying. And yours is broken." He pouted. 

"You broke my computer?" Troye asked, looking at it and seeing nothing wrong. 

"I didn't break your computer, it was broken before I got it." He explained. "The password isn't working." 

"That's because I changed the password, dummy." Troye laughed, clicking in the correct one and sliding it over once the screen loaded. 

"Oh." Connor stared at the screen blankly for a second, only moving again when Troye walked passed him, ruffling his hair and giggling at his expense. 

Connor laughed with him, although something about it bothered him. He didn't dwell on it too much before it was forgotten. 

 

Connor worried. 

He worries a lot, it's his thing almost, he'd been told. He's a worrier. He sometimes wonders what his life would be like if he'd never left Minnesota, and traditionally had a handful of friends and didn't have millions of followers he felt responsible for. 

But, he did leave Minnesota and he has quite a bit more than a handful of friends. Friends who he worries about and hopes are doing well and are healthy and happy.

And it just so happens it's a lot worse when it comes to the one's he loves most. Specifically his family. Even more specifically, Troye. 

So he worries, it's not something he minds. Troye makes fun of him, calling him "mom" just to push his buttons (and to make him calmer, as a matter a fact), but he doesn't mind either. Appreciates it quite a bit, he's admitted. 

It's not an issue. Until it is. 

At least, Connor thinks it is. If there was one thing he hated the most about worrying, is when he's worried he's over worrying. 

He doesn't ever want to cling, and be overbearing. Doesn't want to suffocate Troye. When Troye told him about staying in LA , he did the polite boyfriend thing to do and helped him find an Airbnb close enough to all of his favorite places in the city. When he knows Troye has a long studio day he makes sure to let him know of his own busy day so Troye doesn't think he's waiting around for him. If Troye gets invited to some party because of his work, Connor makes plans with friends. Even if it means seeing Troye pout once or twice at not having him there. 

He has his own life separate from Troye, and while they prefer theirs together, he doesn't see the harm in letting him know of it. 

So when Troye gets quiet and starts to seclude himself in Connor's apartment, Connor worries. 

 

Free days were their favorite days, days they would either stay inside in pajama bottoms all day or they'd grab a coat and explore the endless amount of Los Angeles they'd never fully experience. 

Today was an inside day, and they were watching a movie. 

Connor kept trying to figure out the ending, when the plot kept twisting and getting more and more confusing. 

"What the hell is going on?" He finally said, glancing at Troye. "Help, I'm lost." 

Troye jumped out of the daydream he'd seem to be in. "Oh, I wasn't paying attention."

Connor couldn't keep his eyes off the movie, thinking for sure Troye would be the same, he wondered if he wasn't interested in it and felt bad for making him watch for as much as he did.

"Oh, we can watch something else?" He asked, pausing it. 

Troye took his time answering, eyes still distant and thoughtful. "That's alright. I... I think I'm gonna go into the other room and rest my eyes. Yesterday really took it out of me." He smiled sheepishly, always damaging to his ego to admit he was tired. 

Connor, who was always happy to see Troye take a bit of time off, quickly nodded his head. "Yeah, okay. Let me know if I'm being too loud or anything." 

Troye stood up and smiled at him, pressing a kiss to his forehead as he passed. "Don't worry, you're fine." 

Connor watched him leave the room before he continued the movie, realizing several minutes later he had no idea what was going on he played it back, putting it back a bit more than necessary so he could have time to grab a blanket from his room. 

Tiptoeing as to not wake Troye, he was startled to see Troye sat up in bed, headphones in and laptop out, typing quickly and determinedly. He was so concentrated on his screen he didn't notice Connor who left the room before he could see him. 

Connor walked back to his living room empty handed. Movie forgotten he wondered why after a day as hard as Troye had yesterday, why would he want to keep working? 

 

It didn't take long for Connor to fill in his own gaps as to why Troye made excuses to be in separate rooms whenever they spent time together. He knew they did a good job at spending a healthy amount of time with and without each other, but it'd been too long that they'd spent time alone. 

Connor knew when he needed to be by himself, he has grown to learn his own warning signs of his own needs. 

Troye sometimes had to be steered in the direction of that. He has a hard time admitting when he's tired or when he needs to stop working and especially when he needs to be alone. But when he forgets to take care of himself, Connor will gladly make it seem like he knows how. 

Their time is limited, so they try to get most of their off days as in sync as they possibly can. They don't always match, usually by chance but today it's by choice.  
Connor had a few projects he wanted to finalize and discuss with his manager, not too much of a demand that couldn't be brought up another day but something he'd gladly want to look over twice to make sure it was perfect. Definitely could be a day's worth of work, if he tried hard enough. 

And as the day goes, Troye had the day off from work and from Connor. 

 

Connor thought after a few days of being separate would bring Troye back in, if anything it just got worse. 

The odd thing was Troye wouldn't say no to hanging out, he'd gladly start their days together as they usually did. 

He'd cuddle with Connor and laugh at their attempts at cooking. He'd kiss him fiercely and passionately when prompted. He'd make fun of him when he'd send out an inspirational tweet and stick his tongue out at him when he bit back. 

They held each other when they went to bed and when they weren't sleeping that was just as good as it always was. 

It was the moments in between, when Connor would be talking about whatever and whoever and Troye would get distracted. They'd be in the middle of enjoying each other's company while using their computers and Troye would make an excuse to leave, only to be caught doing the same in the other room. 

And he'd gotten so much more protective of his laptop, at first the changing of his password that he never told Connor, choosing to type it in for him when asked. It later got to the point where he was refused to let Connor touch it, although he tried his best not to say it in so many words. 

It was odd, not because of the change of behavior but that it wasn't constant. Connor figured, if something was wrong things wouldn't be as normal as they were. 

But whenever he'd question why Troye left the room or why he quickly snatched the laptop out of view, a moment later Troye would climb into his personal space or kiss his nose and ask if they could order takeaway that night. 

 

Troye was distracting to say the least. And it took Troye having back to back busy studio days for Connor to start putting the pieces together. If he hadn't had a free day he probably wouldn't have over thought it like he did, but it had come to the forefront of his mind as he drove to pick Troye up, deciding if he wasn't too tired he'd ask him if they could talk. 

When Troye hopped into the car minutes later, he was bubbling with excitement. 

"Hi!" He greeted, bouncing in his seat, a layer of anxiousness could be seen past his good mood. 

"Hi." Connor said, grinning at the boy's contagious energy. "Good day?" 

"Great day, I think." Troye answered, shutting off the air-conditioning and lowering his window. "Might get better, if I'm being honest." He added, biting his lip to contain his smile. 

Connor felt a little guilty at the thought of bringing up his concerns when Troye was obviously very proud of what he did today, but the quicker they talked about it the faster it'd be water under the bridge. 

"Well, is it alright if we pause your great day so we can talk about something, it's important." He glanced over at Troye when they reached a red light, his expression didn't changed. 

"Can I show you something first? I promise once that's done we can talk. I just don't think I'll be very present to this conversation until this is done with." He continued to bite his lip anxiously, still buzzing from whatever he wanted to show him. 

Well, Connor thought, at least he's being honest about being distracted lately. 

"Sure. What is it?" Now that Troye promised to discuss whatever issues later, the excitement that radiated off of Troye was starting to spread and Connor was getting just as hyped as he was. 

"When we get home." He told him, leaving no room for argument, looking at Connor when as he said it, not missing the way his eyes softened when he said 'home.'

"Home, then." Connor agreed, reaching over to grab Troye's hand where it fidgeted in his lap, calming as he let them sit intertwined between them. 

 

Unlocking the door, and dropping their bags inside Troye's anxiousness returned tenfold. He was practically hopping in place.

"Okay, okay." He started, steering Connor towards to couch. He sat beside him, and forced him to face him, sat on his knees as Connor arranged himself to sit with his legs crossed. "I need to say something first."

Connor chuckled at the boy in front of him, already in love with whatever he was about to be shown without ever knowing a single detail. 

"Okay, I'm listening." Troye nodded in approval and took a deep breath to ready himself. 

"So," he began to pull things out of his bag as he spoke, anxious for something to do. "I haven't been the most attentive boyfriend as of late." He began honestly. "And I know you've noticed." He added when Connor tilted his head at where he chose to start this off with. "I've been diving headfirst into writing and it's been the greatest weeks of my life. I've fallen in love with this process. From writing lyrics, to making the beats, to, fuck, sitting in the same room as some of the most talented people in the world. I love it all so much, Con." 

Connor nodded, not daring to speak. He could feel the tears of pride gathering like they always did when Troye spoke of this.

"It's been so amazing. And at the end of the day I get to come home to you." He shifted in his seat, cheeks starting to redden. "You've been the absolute best support I could ask for. I don't know how I could deal with all of this without having you here, so close." He paused to clear his throat, looking away for a moment from where Connor's eyes pierced through him. Never looking away. 

"What I'm trying to say is that this, writing, recording, producing has become a process to me. I've come up with a system that works best for me when I need to create. And for the longest time that was a thing I did away from you. Until now." 

He stopped again to open his computer, messing with the keys to bring it to life, catching Connor's confused stare he continued. 

"It's easy when I'm in a room full of professionals to tell them to fuck off and shut up if I need to listen to the melody in my head. It's common to ask one of them to repeat the noise that just came out of their mouth ten times, to ask if they can repeat that phase again and again in different tones to see if it'll fit what we're going for. I didn't need to explain to them that I was gonna sit in another room for four hours by myself to come up with something I wanted to sing about. They'very done this before, they got it. But when I wanted to write about the way you looked at me when you ask how my day was or describe the way your smile makes me feel when I've just woken up and how your hair is always softest when I kiss your head before I leave.. I didn't know how to ask you to do it ten times over without looking ridiculous and having to explain why I wanted you to." 

Connor couldn't speak, didn't dare try to, he knew where this was going and he was anticipating the next words as much as he wished them to be over, because he could see Troye's computer and on it Troye had clicked open an audio file. 

"I wanted to write about you and about us. For you. And it just so happened that I felt the most inspired when I sat with you on this couch or when we're driving at night and we're laughing too hard over the stupid shit that we come up with. So I've been distracted, and I've been rude. Leaving you alone when we're suppose to be spending time together. But I promise, this is why." 

Troye smiled, a lot more subdued than he was but his eyes shined with the excitement from earlier, anxiously waiting to hand over the headphones. 

Connor knew he had to say something, Troye was waiting for it. 

But all that could come out was. 

"This... Is for me?" 

Dazed and a little shaky, he took the headphones from Troye's hands, placing them on his head. 

Troye grinned wide, "For you."

Leaning his head against Connor's, he pressed play.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to all who gave me such nice words on my very first tronnor fic, it was the scariest thing to post something publicly. I love you all. 
> 
> I wrote this super quick and my heart was doing this weird thing where it got v heavy and anxious as I got to the end. Which is safe to say I'm proud of this one. I hope you enjoy this as much as I apparently seemed to.
> 
> +  
> The video Connor watches at the beginning actually exists and is actually the cutest thing. Look up proposals on YouTube and you'd find it. 
> 
> ++  
> This is actually inspired off a piece of fan art I saw, I don't remember the artist, I'm sorry. But it was Connor hearing for him. for the first time and I wanted to write the events leading up to that moment. If I find it again I'll link it. But thank you to whoever drew that, it's absolutely beautiful.


End file.
